Balance…

I have always struggled with balance. Not the physical kind…although after shoulder surgery I certainly had my moments there too. I mean the kind of balance where work, family, responsibilities, painting, rest, and taking care of myself somehow all fit neatly into a day. I’m beginning to think that version of balance may not actually exist.

For most of my life, the things I needed to do came before the things I wanted to do. Work had deadlines. Family needed me. There were appointments, chores, phone calls, errands and a never-ending list of things that felt more important than setting up an easel and painting for a few hours. Painting was easy to move to tomorrow because nobody was waiting for it except me. And I have historically been very good at making myself wait.

But painting has taught me something about balance that I apparently needed to learn from a canvas. A painting cannot be all mountains. It cannot be all trees. Too much dark makes it heavy. Too much light and there is no depth. Everything has its place, and the beauty comes from allowing all of those pieces to work together. Maybe life is the same.

My family will always be my priority. That will never change. But I am finally realizing that making painting a priority does not take anything away from them. In many ways, it gives something back. I am calmer after I paint. I am happier. I feel accomplished. I feel like myself. Taking a few hours to create something beautiful doesn’t mean I care less about the people around me. It means I am finally learning to include myself among the people I take care of.

I doubt I will ever master balance. I will probably always have days when work wins, days when family needs everything I have, and days when the brushes sit untouched. But I no longer want painting to be the first thing sacrificed every time life gets busy. It belongs in the picture too.