Imperfections…

I have never liked making mistakes. I know that sounds obvious…who does? But I have always been particularly hard on myself when something doesn’t turn out the way I planned. Painting has confronted that personality trait head-on because oil paint does not care about my plans.

I can spend an hour building a beautiful background and then place one tree in exactly the wrong spot. I can create a mountain I love and then overwork it until I don’t. In the beginning, those moments frustrated me beyond reason. I wanted every canvas to prove that I was improving. Instead, some canvases seemed determined to keep me humble.

But imperfections are often where the learning happens. I have discovered techniques because I was trying to fix something. I have created interesting effects completely by accident. I have learned when to keep working and, perhaps more importantly, when to stop touching the painting.

Life has plenty of imperfections too. Plans change. Relationships change. We make decisions with the information we have and sometimes look back wishing we had known more. I could spend forever replaying those moments and trying to repaint what has already dried, or I can learn from them and move forward.

I still like things to turn out well. I still want the mountain to look like a mountain and the wave to look like a wave. But perfection is no longer the goal. Growth is. If every canvas teaches me something, it served its purpose. I am trying to extend myself the same courtesy.